Alcohol is a common presence at holiday gatherings, but its effects on family dynamics can be profound. For couples, the combination of heightened emotions, ingrained traditions, and alcohol’s influence can create a volatile mix.
Alcohol often leads to people speaking more freely, sometimes too freely, which can result in arguments or hurt feelings. Minor tensions can become major blow-ups when alcohol diminishes self-control. If one person drinks more than others, it can create a sense of imbalance or judgment within the group. Some families may push for heavy drinking as part of their tradition, leaving non-drinkers feeling isolated or judged.
When alcohol is involved, couples often find themselves in tricky situations. One partner may feel embarrassed by the other’s behavior, or they might disagree on how to handle a relative’s intoxication. Alcohol-fueled arguments within the family can also pull couples into conflicts they’d otherwise not experience at all.
Decide together, in advance, how much (if any) alcohol you’ll consume and how to handle any pressure to drink. If alcohol-related conflict arises, try to de-escalate rather than engage. Redirect conversations or suggest a break. Take a break yourselves, regardless.
Check in with each other throughout the gathering. A quick whispered “How are you, my love?” can make a big difference. If things get too tense, it’s okay to leave early or take a break. It's very important to prioritize your relationship over the social obligations.
Physical conact can be very soothing and grounding, and can reduce the need for calming substances. Sit close to your partner during socializing periods and sit next to each other at dining tables. A hand on the arm or the knee or an arm around the shoulder can give both people a sense of presence and connection, especially if the conditions around them are tense or emotionally charged.
Talk openly after the event about what worked and what didn’t. Use the experience to strengthen your bond and plan for future social gatherings, familial or otherwise.
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