Holidays are rich with emotional triggers. From old family conflicts resurfacing to subtle criticisms about your choices, the holiday season can feel like an emotional minefield. But triggers are not just nuisances; they are opportunities to understand ourselves better and build resilience.
Triggers can be incidents, issues or individuals, things said or done or perceived. Triggering words, events or people can cause our attention to shift from easy-going social pleasantries to unresolved emotional wounds. A sibling’s teasing might evoke feelings of inadequacy from childhood, or a parent’s comments about your life choices might touch a deep vein of insecurity. Recognizing triggers is the first step to undertanding how to respond to them effectively.
It's helpful to prepare ahead of time by reflecting on past holiday gatherings. What situations were triggering for you? Preparing strategies ahead of time can help you feel more in control. For example, when a trigger arises, plan to pause and notice your physical sensations. It's so easy when you're with family, in old roles and relationships, to time travel back into old hurts and insecurities. Take a few deep breaths to ground yourself in the present moment.
Grounding techniques, like placing your feet firmly on the floor or holding something tangible (like a mug of tea), can help regulate your nervous system. Remind yourself, “This is about them, their pain or insecurity, not about me,” or “I am safe and whole; I am an adult in this moment.” Compassionate self-talk can help diffuse some of the emotional intensity.
Decide ahead of time what topics or interactions you want to stay out of or away from for your well-being. Communicate these boundaries respectfully, when necessary. Step outside, go for a walk, or find a quiet corner to reset when emotions feel overwhelming. In the same way a parent quietly leaves the room with an over-active or crying child, this kind of self-care can all be done very low-profile without the need for drama or drawing attention to yourself or pulling on the family to notice you are activated and regressing.
By approaching triggers with curiosity and compassion, you can transform them from sources of distress into opportunities for self-love and growth. Resilience isn’t about avoiding triggers—it’s about learning to navigate them with grace.
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